Seatmates From Hell
george bush, ex-president: needs absolutely no explanation…
icarus, unlucky aviator: would probably try to convince you to invest in his new low cost airline
saffron monsoon, scientist: would bore you to tears with test tube talk mixed in with sob stories of being burned with cigarettes by patsy stone
naomi campbell, model: keep your mobile in the off mode and safely tucked inside your purse, sweetie
anna wintour, vogue editor: I bet she’d start an arm rest war, even in first class
the sars virus, world panic instigator: would want to infect you
derek zoolander, male supermodel: would ask you to critique his ‘blue steel look’
oprah: talk show host: would that be a full circle moment?
santino, 'designer': would bore you about all the blogs he’s read about himself
tony robbins, motivational speaker: would suck up all the oxygen around your seat
dr. phil, healer: keep your words away from my brain, dude
jennifer lopez, singer/actress: her movies had better not be on the IFE
margaret thatcher, ex prime minister: would not appreciate being called the crime minister of the united kingdom
anna nicole smith, actress: would lament her fate as the 21st century’s marilyn monroe
homer simpson, father: would probably spill his orange juice on you half an hour into your fifteen hour flight
madonna, singer/actress: thank heavens all liquids, including kaballah water, are now banned as carry-on items
mother teresa, christian activist: might play the guilt card
lucile ball, actress: flight attendants would flee from this sour dowager
donatella versace, designer: watch out, she might take your leg off
tony blair, prime minister: blah, blah, blah
either or both of the beckhams, footballer/singer: celebrity whores of the world, unite!
either of the olsen twins, actresses: even combined they have no talent
grace adler, designer: no IPOD in the world could block out that prattler
don ho, singer: single handedly responsible for hawaiian kitsch and in deserve of a hawaiian punch
barry manilow, singer: am not a fanilow
henry kissinger ex secretary of state: sorry, not interested in talking about real politik
guy ritchie, director: would try to reseat himself after you called him, ‘mr. madonna’
leona helmsley, hotelier: might try to convince you taxes really are for little people
kim jung il, ruthless dictator: I said juice, not juche!
michael jackson, singer: would rather not be that close to that renovated face
donald trump, 'developer': fire that toupee!
rob lowe, actor: complain about the cast of the west wing
sly stallone, actor: might push you with steroids mid flight
idi amin, ex-dictator: not interested in hanging with the ex king of scotland
angie dickinson, modeling manager: not interested in your reality show, sweetie
demi moore, actress: could give tips on how to jumpstart your career via twitter
john howard, prime minister: if blair is bushes dg, howard is bush’s cat
ben affleck, actor: don’t want to hear about oceans 21
zsa zsa gabor, actress: careful, she might mistake you for a Beverly hills cop - slap!
