Seatmates From Heaven
joanna lumley, comedienne: infectious personality would negate the need for any inflight entertainment
grace jones, singer/actress: would probably simplify security checks by flying naked under her fur coat
jack mcfarland, airhead: would be your new best friend and call me every five minutes
hedi slimane, designer: could explain the oxymoronic concept of ‘skinny jeans’ in america
lauren hutton, actress/model/adventurer: would regale you with stories of bravery and rapture from africa and beyond
ghandi, guru: could perfect my non-violent approach to dealing with airline delays
jan morris, travel writer: one of the world's most dazzling travel story tellers
candice bergen, actress/writer: would crack jokes about the new hollywood with stories of real Hollywood royalty
marina hyde, columnist: if today’s long haul flight is yesterday’s desert island, bring her along
ursulla andress, actress: would sing ‘underneath the banyan tree’ and negate the need for a pair of earphones
ellen ripley, badass alien killer: if an alien pops out of that passenger's stomach in 32C, she’ll save your ass
daria werbowy, model: could teach you the smoldering look
jacques cousteau, ocean adventurer: would be the best person to talk to about creatures from the deep
karen walker, alcoholic/drug addict: because her stash would surely keep you elegantly wasted during the flight
christopher hitchens, writer: could fill you in in all of washington’s dirty secrets
wile coyote, coyote: he could teach you how to survive falling anvils and acme dynamite sticks
catherine trammell, writer: she would make you a characer in her next book then kill you before landing
hidetoshi nakata, ex-footballer: for up to the minute fashion advice coupled with football kicking techniques
johnny depp, actor: would be a pistol to chat with
moses, Red Sea parter: if your plane is planning on making an emergency landing, he’ll part the sea again
pico iyer, writer: could wax poetic about being a global soul and the best travel writer around
robin williams, comedian: his sense of humor would keep you rolling in the aisles
heidi klum, model: could converse in Deutsch about all things secret and victorian
anthony bourdain, writer and adventurer: could teach you in the galley how to whip up a ten minute meal, down a still beating cobra heart while snapping out witty repartee
charles lindberg, aviator: could roll his eyes at the modern marvel of economy class
patsy stone, alcoholic/drug addict: because her hidden stash of alcohol and pretty pills would keep you wasted during the in-flight movie
j. d. salinger, writer: could perfect a twelve-step program to become a recluse
go go yubari, japanese high school student/psycho: could offer a harajuku fashion lesson while teaching you how to use a ball and chain properly
ferris bueller, slacker: would probably try to get you to invest in some dot bomb pyramid scheme
bart simpson, kid: could teach you a thing or two about surviving a childhood near a nuclear power plant
angelina jolie, actress: could advise you on fast track adoptions, third world debt relief and kick boxing techniques
jennifer saunders, comedienne: her one-liners would keep you laughing all flight long
nick verreos, designer: could whip up a dress using only seat cushions, window shades, objects pilfered from a drinks cart, and tray table or two
ian wright, adventurer: could make you drop everything and start traveling around the world
john steinbeck, writer: could tell you how amazing the sea life used to be in monterey bay
murphy brown, journalist: her loud mouth would ensure you got served first.
amelia earhart, adventurer: would tell you all about cannibals and kings
stephen king, writer: would write a short story about the monster in the lavatory before you land
edwina monsoon, pr manager/hippie/mother: attitude would mean food cart would arrive early and stay nearby for the whole flight
jack sparrow, pirate: could lead you to some buried treasure
sylvia plath, writer: could offer insight into her ruminations into the angst of teenagers
annie lennox, singer: would make earphones unnecessary
juan trippe, visionary: let you in on the secrets of creating a globe-girdling airline whose logo was more recognizable than coca cola
scooby doo, great dane: scooby snacks would surely taste better than slop served on some airline food trays these days: woof!
uma thurman, actress: answer the question for us uma: did that needle hurt?
a.m. holmes, writer: could write a gritty short story about the airline passengers sitting all around you
coleen dewhurst, actress: would give dirt on murphy brown’s teenage years
elle woods, lawyer: could even make the most jaded flight attendant smile
eldin bernicky, tortured artist: could offer insight into primitive wall paintings and painted soup cans
marco polo, adventurer: could kick any of today’s travel writer’s asses with his stories of bravery and wanderlust
